If Swabbie isn't on his boat, he's out looking for another one or on the
internet telling us about one.

How much exercise does the clumsy oaf receive for all his theatrics?

Well, check out the chart on:

http://www.nutristrategy.com/activitylist4.htm

Sailing on a sailboard ranks slightly above mowing the lawn, the two least
caloric activities on the long list.

How much exercise does the flabby one get at the helm of his water motel -
especially when it's tied to the pier?

Remember, this is his whole life. The last time he picked up a
bicycle(literally) he was rushed to the hospital for a heart attack. Now the
bike shop won't rent him one anymore for fear of a lawsuit!

He claims to run - in NYC! What a load! There's a net negative for running
in car exhaust, if he can run. He might run to Carvel down the street or to
Nathan's for a gutfull, but no, who will see him running? Who can he
impress?

His home theater is a hodge podge of components discarded by the noveau
riche, his income is derived from selling used extension cords, bits of
string and elastic waist bands from old underwear on eBay. He's the modern
day embodiment of the town simpleton with a twist of NYC sophistication.

He's someone who might have been, but never will be.

Poor Swabbie, I do pity the fool. I think he deserves the pity of others
too. Keep him amused, it's all he has.

Pray for him.

Amen!