"Wilbur Hubbard" wrote in message
anews.com...
How is sailing failure defined?

Let me count the ways.

1) Joe of Red Cloud infamy
2) Bruce at the Bangkok dock
3) Capt. J.G. the netKKKop
4) Bobsprit the dreamer
5) Doug King the trawler queen
6) Sea Hag the chronic builder
7) Katysails the blind (in more ways than one)
8) Dave the lawyer who doesn't even own a boat
9) KCL Lewis the admiral
10) Bob the wannabe deck hand

Each of these failures will be individually discussed below. They
represent the various ways folks can become sailing failures. The pitfalls
are easily pigeonholed. They seem to fall into categories and the failures
are certainly not original in any way. Rather, they are stereotypical and
represent thousands of wannabe sailors the world over.


1) Hapless Joe, skipper of the erstwhile motorsailer, "Red Cloud." Most
of you know his story. Abandoned his boat because he lacked the basic
skills to handle a cold front in the Gulf of Mexico while trying to
deliver a couple tons of coffee beans. Used his diesel until he wore it
slap out and was forced to sail and found out he didn't know how to sail
nor did he have the necessary storm sails when the going got tough. Yet
he still claims to be selling 'green' coffee. This while the hulk of the
Red Cloud sits on the bottom in the Gulf leaching diesel, rust and all
manner of other pollution and for years to come. Now, he "sails" some old
pile of crap Owens Aruba.

2) Bruce at the Bangkok dock. Bruce had a dream. He started off on a
circumnavigation but overreached. Only made it halfway around and ran out
of steam. His choice of a vessel was too large, to cumbersome, to
complicated for him to handle. One problem after another soon ground his
pie-in-the-sky enterprise to a halt. He got as far as Thailand where his
goal has languished now for over thirty years. He simply could not face
the prospect of continuing because it finally dawned on him that he wasn't
up to the task. Now he pretends to be an authority.

3) Capt. J.G. the netKKKop doesn't have what it takes to be a real sailor
either. His entire life revolves around his desire to control every aspect
of his environment whether it be Usenet netKKKopping or neighborhood
agitation (community organizer) against everything from airplane traffic
to power pole placement. He's been involved with one failed or failing
sailing instruction venture after another and was recently fired from one
where he hijacked their web site and used it as a means to whine and
slander those who fired his sorry arse. Gaynze will never be a sailor
because he's got to be doing things that make him a thorn in the side of
those who associate with him.

4) Bobsprit who is a dreamer never had what it took to be a sailor. He's
become a daddy like many daddies today - Mr. Mom. Pathetic! While his wife
goes to work every day, Bobsprit baby-sits and spends the majority of his
time doing other female duties. He finally gave up bragging about his
little afternoon sailing attempts which generally ended up in one disaster
after another as in hitting the same rock about five times in a row. He
can't handle the most basic of boat maintenance as evidenced by the water
damage to the sole of his latest ugly boat. He hasn't been heard from much
lately probably because he never sails any more. Dishpan hands make
sailing too painful.

5) Doug King the trawler queen was a pretend sailor for a while but it was
always evident that he was one of these people who preferred sanding,
varnishing and polishing over sailing. He uses a boat primarily as an
object for bragging rights. His idea of sailing has always been talking to
people on the dock who admired the spit shine of his show vessel. Now,
Doug's given up on sailing and has turned into a tug-boat trawler
maintenance man. To Doug appearance is all that matters. It's a case of,
"Hey, lookit meeeee!" as he chugs up and down some sheltered channel where
he can depend upon an audience on the banks who admire his handiwork.

6) Seahag the chronic builder has faded into the dust pile of history. She
and her husband never completed the old wreck of a wooden boat they worked
on for twenty some odd years. They have finally run out of energy and
funds and still live aboard at the dock in a boat that crumbles under them
faster than they can keep up with the repairs. Their story is one of a
completely failed Bruce in Bangkok. While Bruce failed halfway, Seahag
never even got started. Well, at least Seahag can be comforted by the fact
that her story isn't unique. While some sail, many others work and dream
and never accomplish more that that.

7) Katysails who was a friend of Seahag did try to sail from time to time
but living in Michigan her sailing season was very short. I don't think
she ever got the hang of it and that school marm of a husband never had
what it took either. Their boat was some cheap French abomination that was
built flimsy and did not sail well. Last I heard they finally got some
sense and moved south (their boat on a truck) where the last I heard Katy
was trying to figure out how to keep condensation from forming inside her
boat. They're both retired now but can't break the bonds of life ashore.
They live in some rented shack and their boat rots and mildews away on a
mooring up some muddy river in North Carolina. Katy's going blind in one
eye and can't see too well out of the other. Even her typing has gotten
worse, if that can possibly be, in the past year or so. These two are done
when it comes to sailing. They might as well give up even the pretense of
it.

8) Then there's Dave the lawyer. He's never mentioned his boat and it's
apparent he doesn't own a boat nor does he ever sail a boat. He's just
another know-it-all lawyer who thinks he can bluff his way through the
newsgroup and nobody will challenge his lack of sailing credentials. His
only real accomplishment here has been smacking Capt. J.G. from one end of
Usenet to the other but, then again, is that really an accomplishment?
Hell, anybody can step on a maggot!

9) KCL Lewis the dreamer. Karin lives aboard so she's more of a sailor
than most but she's lost her nerve and doesn't sail anymore. She is the
opposite of Seahag, however. While Seahag enjoyed being a boat yard
monkey, Karin fancies herself a spic and span admiral of the seas. She's
got this self-image that makes her think she knows it all and people need
to salute her as she strolls by. She isn't any too bright because she
lives aboard but isn't bright enough to sail to milder climes so she
suffers half the winter in the cold when she could easily sail to where
it's warm and enjoyable most of the year. But, then again nobody ever said
a Rawson 30 was anything but a heavy and slow cruiser. Perhaps too much
for even a manly-looking female to handle.

10) Bob. What a pitiful character! Here's what he wrote recently: "I am
eager to start sweeping floors and scrubbing heads." What kind of a loser
has that disgusting prospect as a goal in life? You are no sailor unless
and until you sail, Bob. Doing janitor work on a work boat doesn't make
you a sailor. It makes you a common unskilled laborer - get a clue.


Wilbur Hubbard





Is this a parting shot before running off to Cuba, Wilbur/Greg/Neil?

--
Cheers,
Gwen Ives