January 10, 2011
Fox News Warns That Without Angry Rhetoric It Will Have 24 Hours to Fill
Would Create ‘Giant Hole’ in Program Schedule

NEW YORK – Calls for a reduction in violent political rhetoric have
plunged the Fox News Channel into chaos, with a Fox spokesperson warning
today that such a move “would leave us with 24 hours to fill.”

“Let’s not underestimate the giant hole this would create,” said
spokesperson Carol Foyler. “Fox without violent rhetoric would be like
The Weather Channel without maps.”

Ms. Foyler said Fox was preparing for a “worst-case scenario” in which
it was pressured to air responsible statements in place of its current
programming: “If it comes to that, God forbid, we’ll just air 24 hours
of ‘24’.”

In contrast with Ms. Foyler’s alarmed comments, Fox host Glenn Beck took
the news of a possible programming change in stride: “If I’m kicked off
the air, I’ll return to my first love: standing in the back of crowded
theaters and yelling, ‘Fire.’”

But Fox commentator Sarah Palin was less enthusiastic about the new call
for tempered rhetoric: “For the first time in my life I don’t have
anything to write on my hand.”

In other cable news developments, CNN confirmed that it was considering
dropping Kathleen Parker from its “Parker Spitzer” program, but said it
had balked at Elliot Spitzer’s suggestion of “a different woman every
night.”


From, of course, Andy Borowitz.

http://www.borowitzreport.com/