WHY SAILBOATS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

Sailboats never choose to get their hair done instead of spending time
with you.

Sailboats never have a curfew.

Sailboats never break a date.

Sailboats never have a headache.

Sailboats are always in the mood.

Sailboats are appropriately greeted with a whistle.

Sailboats never care if you arrive with buddies and choose to spend
the evening playing cards.

Sailboats will always perform for you to the best of their abilities.
You just need to treat them with care and not interfere with what they
were designed to do.

Sailboats, like women, are best maneuvered with a light touch.
However, only a sailboat's response is predictable.

Sailboats will tolerate some neglect quite well. However, like some
women, sailboats will try to dump you if you are too heavy handed with
them or neglect their basic needs for too long.

Both sailboats and women like to show their superstructures to best
advantage. Sailboats, however, never complain that they have nothing
to wear.

Sailboats, like women, can demand that you spend substantial amounts
of money on their upkeep and maintenance. With sailboats, you are
always guaranteed a good ride afterwards.

Sailboats never need another pair of shoes.

Sailboats don't care if you choose to spend the night with another
woman.

Sailboats don't give you the cold shoulder after you have not called
or visited for a while.

Sailboats always leave it to you to decide if you want to go out in
foul weather.

Sailboats never complain that you don't talk to them.

You never have to bring a sailboat gifts of flowers, chocolates or
jewelry.

You don't need to romance your sailboat before she'll let you spend
the night.

Sailboats never get pregnant.

Sailboats never get PMS.

You cannot catch a sexually transmitted disease from spending time
with many different sailboats.

With a sailboat you never need to carry protection.

A sailboat never gets jealous.

You can always tell a sailboat about other sailboats that you have
sailed.

A sailboat never compares you to others who have sailed her.

A sailboat never fakes it.

A sailboat looks just as appealing the morning after.

Nobody is offended if you ask to borrow their sailboat for a romantic
evening or weekend.

One sailboat can simultaneously satisfy the needs of quite a few men
and women.

A fully rigged sailboat can call for several pairs of hands to keep
her satisfied and in proper trim, and nobody thinks poorly of her.

When you buy an electric device to help single-hand a sailboat, nobody
thinks less of you, and the sailboat is not embarrassed when you
demonstrate the actual use of the appliance.

Sailboats never flirt and never play hard to get.

Sailboats respond best if you first wash their painted bottoms.

Sailboats never ask if their stern is too wide or if their rigging is
sagging.

Sailboats never pout if you choose not to spend the night.

Sailboats don't make a scene if you choose to go with a younger model.

Well maintained, gracefully aging sailboats always have hordes of
younger and older men lusting after them.

Sailboats always gratify you with their performance when you custom
fit them with the newest fabrics.

Sailboats can always be rented to others by the day or by the hour.

In wide open spaces, quality rope or lengths of chain are used to
anchor a sailboat. Imagine trying this with a woman.

Before a sailboat changes hands, the current owner encourages all
serious potential prospects to take her for a spin and try her out.

Sailboats respond well if you tie them up for the night.

Thru-hulls are critical to below deck operations. Only with a
sailboat are you encouraged to inspect each thru-hull BEFORE you take
her out.

Sail Bum wrote:

WHY SAILBOATS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

Sailboats never get pregnant.

Sailboats never get PMS.

You cannot catch a sexually transmitted disease from spending time
with many different sailboats.

With a sailboat you never need to carry protection.

Nothing personal sport but you come across as a rather shallow person
who probably has a great deal of difficulty relating to women.

You are single, divorced, seperated...... right.

Lighten up, guy....it's a joke. For every "why XYZ's are better than women"
joke, there is at least one "why XYZ's are better than men" joke.

And, of course, for every usenet post there is someone who just can't wait
to jump down someone's throat for being politically incorrect.

Viva La Differance !


"Shiver Me Timbers" wrote in message
...
Sail Bum wrote:

WHY SAILBOATS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

Sailboats never get pregnant.

Sailboats never get PMS.

You cannot catch a sexually transmitted disease from spending time
with many different sailboats.

With a sailboat you never need to carry protection.

Nothing personal sport but you come across as a rather shallow person
who probably has a great deal of difficulty relating to women.

You are single, divorced, seperated...... right.

Stanley Barthfarkle wrote:

Lighten up, guy....it's a joke. For every "why XYZ's are better than women"
joke, there is at least one "why XYZ's are better than men" joke.

And, of course, for every usenet post there is someone who just can't wait
to jump down someone's throat for being politically incorrect.

Viva La Differance !

Well Stan please post the - "why XYZ's are better than men" joke
please and thank you..... I presume you have it handy.

Shiver Me Timbers wrote:

Nothing personal sport but you come across as a rather shallow
person who probably has a great deal of difficulty relating to
women.

This isn't personal?

--
Good luck and good sailing.
s/v Kerry Deare of Barnegat
http://kerrydeare.home.comcast.net/

It'll show up on the internet pretty soon. In the meantime, I'm sure you'll
LOVE this...
_________________________
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able
to support you.

__________________________________________________ _________________



Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?

Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.

__________________________________________________ _________________



Why are hangovers better than women? Hangovers will go away.

__________________________________________________ _______________



Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the
sink



__________________________________________________ _________________



How do you know when a women's about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."



__________________________________________________ _________________



How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't...there's a clock on the oven!

__________________________________________________ _________________



I dated this girl for two years-and then the nagging starts:

"I wanna know your name..."



__________________________________________________ _________________



Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to
shoot it.



__________________________________________________ _______________



If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?

The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

--
Lighten up! Remember, "politically incorrect" is just another term for
censorship. 1st. amendment still applies, well sorta.

Keith
__
Electronics run on smoke. If the smoke gets out they stop working.
"Shiver Me Timbers" wrote in message
...
Stanley Barthfarkle wrote:

Lighten up, guy....it's a joke. For every "why XYZ's are better than
women"
joke, there is at least one "why XYZ's are better than men" joke.

And, of course, for every usenet post there is someone who just can't
wait
to jump down someone's throat for being politically incorrect.

Viva La Differance !

Well Stan please post the - "why XYZ's are better than men" joke
please and thank you..... I presume you have it handy.

Well Stan please post the - "why XYZ's are better than men" joke
please and thank you..... I presume you have it handy.

do a google search on "cucumber"

Sent to me by my wife a month ago-

Subject: MARRIAGE

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding,
he laid down the following rules:

I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I
don't
expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
fishing,
boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you
give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here
or
not."

( SHE'S GOOD!)

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads,
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed
either,"
and
storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and
decides
to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
rings,
and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the
phone?"
She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud
of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite
of
her
objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's
time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as
well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
His
wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back,
"Anytime
you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough
draft
before the masterpiece.






"Shiver Me Timbers" wrote in message
...
Stanley Barthfarkle wrote:

Lighten up, guy....it's a joke. For every "why XYZ's are better than
women"
joke, there is at least one "why XYZ's are better than men" joke.

And, of course, for every usenet post there is someone who just can't
wait
to jump down someone's throat for being politically incorrect.

Viva La Differance !

Well Stan please post the - "why XYZ's are better than men" joke
please and thank you..... I presume you have it handy.

Sent by my wife 6 months ago- (html)



APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS



Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:



I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my
life for the following period:











Time of return

Date: Time of departu
NOT to exceed:



Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the
locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting
on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female,
except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my
mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of
alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver
of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted
to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be ****ed off with
me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.


















Amount of alcohol allowed (units) Beer Wine
Liquor Total

Location: From:
To:

Location: From:
To:

Location: From:
To:





Locations to be visited













Females with whom conversation

is permitted



IMPORTANT - STRIPPER CLAUSE: Notwithstanding the female contact permitted
above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a
stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be
grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.



I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our
relationship, and I agree it's not me. I promise to abide by your rules &
regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in
chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit
cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you to a Robbie
Williams concert, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way
home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in
depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not
to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain
from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to
breed like a (drunken) rabbit.






I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to
my BETTER half), the above information is correct.

Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:












Request is: APPROVED DENIED


This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and
carry at all times.

".........................................

Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following
period of time:










Date: Time of departu
Time of return:






Signed - Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:









_____________________________________________







APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE GIRLS



Name of Girlfriend/Fiancée/Partner/Wife:



I'M GOING OUT, O.K.





Signed: (me)........



















"Shiver Me Timbers" wrote in message
...
Stanley Barthfarkle wrote:

Lighten up, guy....it's a joke. For every "why XYZ's are better than
women"
joke, there is at least one "why XYZ's are better than men" joke.

And, of course, for every usenet post there is someone who just can't
wait
to jump down someone's throat for being politically incorrect.

Viva La Differance !

Well Stan please post the - "why XYZ's are better than men" joke
please and thank you..... I presume you have it handy.

The wife sends me that crap all the time...she laughs ever-so-slightly
harder than I do...

Can't find any "better than men" stuff, but she has sent quite a few over
the years.



"Shiver Me Timbers" wrote in message
...
Stanley Barthfarkle wrote:

Lighten up, guy....it's a joke. For every "why XYZ's are better than
women"
joke, there is at least one "why XYZ's are better than men" joke.

And, of course, for every usenet post there is someone who just can't
wait
to jump down someone's throat for being politically incorrect.

Viva La Differance !

Well Stan please post the - "why XYZ's are better than men" joke
please and thank you..... I presume you have it handy.