Every once in awhile you hear a good clean joke that you feel obligated to
pass along, and this is one of them.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new
Washington DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep
breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there
was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the US House of Representatives for assistance.

The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi.
How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's.
There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to
send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,
"Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of
last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also
obliged to first notify the next of kin."

Anony Mouse wrote:
Every once in awhile you hear a good clean joke that you feel obligated
to pass along, and this is one of them.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new
Washington DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a
deep breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside. He then noticed
there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the US House of Representatives for assistance.

The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi.
How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at
St.Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be
so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied with a
smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people
took care of last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long
moment.

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are
also obliged to first notify the next of kin."




You must be a blood relative of herring's, because he tells the same
sort of really stupid jokes.

Here, try this one:

As a Bagpiper, so the man says, I am requested to play at many
funerals. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a
grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so
the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-
country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost. I
finally arrived an hour late and saw the service was over and the
hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers left and they
were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the
side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in
place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The
workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played
out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I
played like I've never played before. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,'
the workers began to weep, I wept, and we all wept together. When I
finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers sob,
“Sweet Lord of Heaven, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've
been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

?:^ )

Tim wrote:
Here, try this one:

As a Bagpiper, so the man says, I am requested to play at many
funerals. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a
grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so
the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-
country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost. I
finally arrived an hour late and saw the service was over and the
hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers left and they
were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the
side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in
place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The
workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played
out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I
played like I've never played before. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,'
the workers began to weep, I wept, and we all wept together. When I
finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers sob,
“Sweet Lord of Heaven, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've
been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

?:^ )





Now that is a funny story.

"Tim" wrote in message
...
Here, try this one:

As a Bagpiper, so the man says, I am requested to play at many
funerals. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a
grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so
the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-
country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost. I
finally arrived an hour late and saw the service was over and the
hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers left and they
were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the
side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in
place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The
workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played
out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I
played like I've never played before. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,'
the workers began to weep, I wept, and we all wept together. When I
finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers sob,
“Sweet Lord of Heaven, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've
been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

?:^ )



Great one. Better than the one I posted.

On Mon, 18 Jan 2010 13:20:49 -0500, "Anony Mouse" wrote:

Every once in awhile you hear a good clean joke that you feel obligated to
pass along, and this is one of them.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new
Washington DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep
breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there
was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the US House of Representatives for assistance.

The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi.
How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's.
There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to
send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,
"Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of
last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also
obliged to first notify the next of kin."



Ah, a good joke is hard to beat.

I thank you.
--
John H

"If you think healthcare is expensive now, wait until it's free!"
--Anonymous

On Mon, 18 Jan 2010 11:15:17 -0800 (PST), Tim
wrote:

Here, try this one:

As a Bagpiper, so the man says, I am requested to play at many
funerals. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a
grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so
the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-
country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost. I
finally arrived an hour late and saw the service was over and the
hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers left and they
were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the
side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in
place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The
workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played
out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I
played like I've never played before. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,'
the workers began to weep, I wept, and we all wept together. When I
finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers sob,
“Sweet Lord of Heaven, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've
been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

?:^ )

Another good story. Not as good as Anony Mouse's, but good
nevertheless.
--
John H

"If you think healthcare is expensive now, wait until it's free!"
--Anonymous

On Jan 18, 12:20*pm, "Anony Mouse" wrote:
Every once in awhile you hear a good clean joke that you feel obligated to
pass along, and this is one of them.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new
Washington DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep
breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there
was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the US House of Representatives for assistance.

The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi.
How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's.
There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to
send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,
"Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of
last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also
obliged to first notify the next of kin."


Barack Obama, George W. Bush, a little old lady, and a gorgeous,
shapely blonde are sitting together in a train car. The train goes
into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a
loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand
print on his cheek. No one speaks.

The old lady thinks:
Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him.

The blonde thinks:
Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled
the old lady and she slapped him.

Obama thinks:
Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him
but missed and got me instead.

George Bush thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack Obama again.

On Tue, 19 Jan 2010 04:50:22 -0800 (PST), TopBassDog
wrote:

On Jan 18, 12:20*pm, "Anony Mouse" wrote:
Every once in awhile you hear a good clean joke that you feel obligated to
pass along, and this is one of them.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new
Washington DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep
breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there
was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the US House of Representatives for assistance.

The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi.
How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's.
There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to
send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,
"Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of
last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also
obliged to first notify the next of kin."


Barack Obama, George W. Bush, a little old lady, and a gorgeous,
shapely blonde are sitting together in a train car. The train goes
into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a
loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand
print on his cheek. No one speaks.

The old lady thinks:
Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him.

The blonde thinks:
Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled
the old lady and she slapped him.

Obama thinks:
Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him
but missed and got me instead.

George Bush thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack Obama again.

You'll probably get accused of both racism and sexism, but it was
still funny.
--
John H

All decisions are the result of binary thinking.