| Home |
| Search |
| Today's Posts |
|
#11
posted to rec.boats
|
|||
|
|||
Cats and Pills
|
|
#12
posted to rec.boats
|
|||
|
|||
|
Cats and Pills
|
|
#14
posted to rec.boats
|
|||
|
|||
|
Cats and Pills
"Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "John H" wrote in message ... This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from some of our more illustrious members, but what the hell.... Cats and Pills - How to do It! 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow down drinking straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot. Drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. 13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How To Give A Dog A Pill: 1) Wrap it in bacon. -- John H All decisions are the result of binary thinking. Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come. Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite? Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror. Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times. Hmmm, are you projecting perhaps? Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact. |
|
#15
posted to rec.boats
|
|||
|
|||
|
Cats and Pills
In article ,
says... "Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "John H" wrote in message ... This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from some of our more illustrious members, but what the hell.... Cats and Pills - How to do It! 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow down drinking straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot. Drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. 13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How To Give A Dog A Pill: 1) Wrap it in bacon. -- John H All decisions are the result of binary thinking. Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come. Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite? Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror. Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times. Hmmm, are you projecting perhaps? Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact. Do tell. What do you know of my mental abilities? Have we met? Have you the credentials to make such a statement? If so, what ARE those credentials? Have you subjected me (or anybody else you call morons) to an I.Q. test? |
|
#16
posted to rec.boats
|
|||
|
|||
|
Cats and Pills
On 9/1/2010 4:22 PM, Secular Humanist wrote:
In , says... "Secular wrote in message ... In , says... "Secular wrote in message ... In , says... "John wrote in message ... This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from some of our more illustrious members, but what the hell.... Cats and Pills - How to do It! 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow down drinking straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot. Drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. 13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How To Give A Dog A Pill: 1) Wrap it in bacon. -- John H All decisions are the result of binary thinking. Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come. Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite? Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror. Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times. Hmmm, are you projecting perhaps? Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact. Do tell. What do you know of my mental abilities? Have we met? Have you the credentials to make such a statement? If so, what ARE those credentials? Have you subjected me (or anybody else you call morons) to an I.Q. test? The following can be discerned about your mental abilities: 1. You show up here using the identity of other posters. 2. You do this to aggravate those other posters but you aren't successful at it. You aren't too bright. 3. Your ability to fool other posters into believing you are the person you are spoofing is virtually non-existent. You aren't too bright. 4. Your posts indicate you are not much of a writer or a thinker. You're not too bright. 5. Your posts add nothing to discussions here. You're not too bright. 6. Your behavior indicates that your self-esteem is so low, you have to post as someone else because if you post with your own handle, almost no one will pay any attention to you. Conclusion: you aren't too bright. |
|
#17
posted to rec.boats
|
|||
|
|||
|
Cats and Pills
"Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "John H" wrote in message ... This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from some of our more illustrious members, but what the hell.... Cats and Pills - How to do It! 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow down drinking straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot. Drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. 13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How To Give A Dog A Pill: 1) Wrap it in bacon. -- John H All decisions are the result of binary thinking. Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come. Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite? Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror. Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times. Hmmm, are you projecting perhaps? Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact. Do tell. What do you know of my mental abilities? Have we met? Have you the credentials to make such a statement? If so, what ARE those credentials? Have you subjected me (or anybody else you call morons) to an I.Q. test? I wouldn't want to insult you by asking for your IQ test results. Prove you're not a moron by cleaning up your act. I have no problem with people who disagree with me. I have a big problem with people who are racists and liars. |
|
#18
posted to rec.boats
|
|||
|
|||
|
Cats and Pills
Aggravated wrote:
"Larry" wrote in message ... *e#c wrote: I thought the stupid, old, crusty fart said he was leaving for Utah.....another lie. They have internet access there now. Why are you responding to that dumb, lying bitch? His computer(s) probably aren't wi-fi capable and he doesn't know that just about every franchise restaurant/motel in the US has no charge open networks. Good point. |
|
#19
posted to rec.boats
|
|||
|
|||
|
Cats and Pills
In article ,
says... "Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "John H" wrote in message ... This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from some of our more illustrious members, but what the hell.... Cats and Pills - How to do It! 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow down drinking straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot. Drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. 13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How To Give A Dog A Pill: 1) Wrap it in bacon. -- John H All decisions are the result of binary thinking. Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come. Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite? Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror. Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times. Hmmm, are you projecting perhaps? Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact. Do tell. What do you know of my mental abilities? Have we met? Have you the credentials to make such a statement? If so, what ARE those credentials? Have you subjected me (or anybody else you call morons) to an I.Q. test? I wouldn't want to insult you by asking for your IQ test results. Prove you're not a moron by cleaning up your act. I have no problem with people who disagree with me. I have a big problem with people who are racists and liars. Clean up my act? I don't come here to call people silly names and insult them, YOU do. |
|
#20
posted to rec.boats
|
|||
|
|||
|
Cats and Pills
"Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "Secular Humanist" wrote in message ... In article , says... "John H" wrote in message ... This is probably going to earn 'racist' or 'moron' names from some of our more illustrious members, but what the hell.... Cats and Pills - How to do It! 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil, insert straw down cat's throat, and blow down drinking straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm, and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot. Drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. 13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How To Give A Dog A Pill: 1) Wrap it in bacon. -- John H All decisions are the result of binary thinking. Cats are smarter than dogs. You're as dumb as they come. Can you point to the part where anybody said the opposite? Can you point to the moron in your room? Hint: Use the mirror. Three posts read by you. Calling someone a moron all three times. Hmmm, are you projecting perhaps? Are you a moron? Yes. Just stating fact. Do tell. What do you know of my mental abilities? Have we met? Have you the credentials to make such a statement? If so, what ARE those credentials? Have you subjected me (or anybody else you call morons) to an I.Q. test? I wouldn't want to insult you by asking for your IQ test results. Prove you're not a moron by cleaning up your act. I have no problem with people who disagree with me. I have a big problem with people who are racists and liars. Clean up my act? I don't come here to call people silly names and insult them, YOU do. Actually, you've been doing this for quite some time. I'll make you a deal. You stop spoofing people and make an honest attempt to present your ideas, and I won't call you a moron. |
| Reply |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads
|
||||
| Thread | Forum | |||
| where can i amazon impotency cures pills online viagra natural remedies sildenafil | General | |||
| Cheapest pharmacy pills online for your life!!! | General | |||
| Go ahead...take the pills | General | |||
Linear Mode
