Today's Update On Worldwide Terror Alerts

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "****ed Off" to "Let's
get the *******s." They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

[Partially, Almost On Topic]
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.

On Tue, 01 Feb 2011 13:29:41 -0500, Wayne.B
wrote:

Today's Update On Worldwide Terror Alerts

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "****ed Off" to "Let's
get the *******s." They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

[Partially, Almost On Topic]
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.

From the LA Times:

Top of the Ticket
Political commentary from Andrew Malcolm

February 1, 2011 | 2:38 am

Secretary of homeland Security Janet Napolitano file So, how are you getting
along so far with no knowledge of what color terror alert you are living under?
Does it affect your choice of activities or wardrobe?

As you may have heard, Janet "Man Caused Disaster" Napolitano has announced the
end to the color-coded terror alert system that many people did not know was
still around, if they ever understood it in the first place.

Napolitano is secretary of Homeland Security and the former governor of Arizona
who's done such an impressive job in recent years of securing that state's
border with Mexico against illegal intruders.

Napolitano (see photo above) is also the Obama administration official who said
the government's airline security system worked according to plan back around
Christmas 2009 when the underwear bomber's plot was thwarted by an alert Dutch
tourist in a nearby seat who saw smoke seeping from the guy's crotch. No one
knew until that day how integral alert Dutch tourists had become in the workings
of the U.S. airline security system.

The old color-code system was hurriedly invented in those scary first few weeks
after 9/11 to make everyone feel like somebody was really in charge. But in
practice the colors were always meaningless to the average eye or ear.

Quick! Without looking, which is worse, blue alert or green alert?

Oh, you cheated.

Anyway, once the alerts got up into the red and orange zones, who in a
government bureaucracy in this day and age would take the responsibility of
giving an all-clear back down to blue or green?

As a result, whether you knew it or not, you've been living on the Orange level
for almost five straight years.

In the middle of 2009 Napolitano ordered a 60-day review of the color code. Now,
566 days later she's decided to phase out the colors and go with another system
that's already been given a nifty government name, the National Terrorism
Advisory System, or NTAS (prounounced NTAS).

Because of the administration's policy of opacity, Napolitano didn't really
provide too many specifics.

But she did say, "Under the new, two-tiered system, DHS will coordinate with
other Federal entities to issue formal, detailed alerts regarding information
about a specific or credible terrorist threat. These alerts will include a clear
statement that there is an 'Imminent Threat' or 'Elevated Threat.'"

However, because a government acronym for IT or ET can so very easily be
confused with Information Technology and the "ET" television show, it seems
likely the two new threat levels will be called "OMG" and "RFI" (Run for It).

The old color system will be phased out over the next 90 to 566 days. Meanwhile,
everyone should continue living Orange.

-- Andrew Malcolm

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/wash...or-system.html

On Tue, 01 Feb 2011 13:29:41 -0500, Wayne.B
wrote:

Today's Update On Worldwide Terror Alerts

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "****ed Off" to "Let's
get the *******s." They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

I thought it was changed from allow a dictator, any dictator to live
here to there must be another Green Peace ship we can blow up at the
dock.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

[Partially, Almost On Topic]
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.

On Tue, 01 Feb 2011 13:35:26 -0500, John H
wrote:
snip

The old color system will be phased out over the next 90 to 566 days. Meanwhile,
everyone should continue living Orange.


Living Orange? Like Boehner?

On Feb 1, 12:29*pm, Wayne.B wrote:
Today's Update On Worldwide Terror Alerts

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." *

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "****ed Off" to "Let's
get the *******s." They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." *The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

[Partially, Almost On Topic] *
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.

LOL!

On Tue, 1 Feb 2011 11:54:32 -0800 (PST), Tim
wrote:

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.

LOL!

I'm glad someone liked it. :-)

On 2/1/11 11:02 PM, wrote:
On Tue, 01 Feb 2011 11:40:23 -0800, wrote:

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

I thought it was changed from allow a dictator, any dictator to live
here to there must be another Green Peace ship we can blow up at the
dock.

I have a french army rifle, never fired and only dropped once.


Was that from the Revolutionary War which, without the help of the
French, we might have lost?

On Tue, 01 Feb 2011 23:02:03 -0500, wrote:

On Tue, 01 Feb 2011 11:40:23 -0800, wrote:

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

I thought it was changed from allow a dictator, any dictator to live
here to there must be another Green Peace ship we can blow up at the
dock.

I have a french army rifle, never fired and only dropped once.

Hee, hee.

We need a thread about the French and war. What a laugh.

But, they wized up when it came to nuclear power. They laugh at us continuously.

On 2/2/11 8:13 AM, John H wrote:
On Tue, 01 Feb 2011 23:02:03 -0500, wrote:

On Tue, 01 Feb 2011 11:40:23 -0800, wrote:

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

I thought it was changed from allow a dictator, any dictator to live
here to there must be another Green Peace ship we can blow up at the
dock.

I have a french army rifle, never fired and only dropped once.

Hee, hee.

We need a thread about the French and war. What a laugh.



How about a thread about the American war you were in...oh, wait...we
lost that one. No laughs there.

"Wayne.B" wrote in message
...

Today's Update On Worldwide Terror Alerts

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "****ed Off" to "Let's
get the *******s." They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

[Partially, Almost On Topic]
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.
=====
That was great Wayne! Thanks.