September 15, 2011
In Rare Public Statement, God Tells Pat Robertson to Shut the **** Up
‘Enough Already With That Moron,’ Says Almighty

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Rev. Pat Robertson’s controversial
remarks in which he advised that it was acceptable to divorce a spouse
with Alzheimer’s drew a harsh rebuke from God Almighty, who held a press
conference today to tell him to "shut the **** up."

The bearded King of the Universe, dressed in His trademark flowing white
robe and carrying a lightning bolt, spoke to reporters at New York’s
Hyatt Grand Central for forty-five minutes in a press conference
specifically called to denounce the televangelist.

“I’ve held my tongue while he’s jabbered on and on about me punishing
this group and that group with floods and earthquakes and such, but this
was the last straw,” He said. “Enough already with that moron.”

In addition to debunking Rev. Robertson’s Alzheimer’s statement, the
Almighty categorically denied using natural disasters in the past to
punish gays, Haitians, and other targets of Rev. Robertson’s scorn.

“Oh, please,” He said. “That’s just weather.”

On another topic, God attempted to put distance between Himself and the
presidential candidacy of Gov. Rick Perry of Texas: “Rick Perry is
qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified
to be Italy.”

From Andy Borowitz

--
I'd much rather be a champion of the powerless than a lickspittle of the
powerful.

On 9/16/2011 6:26 AM, X ` Man wrote:

September 15, 2011
In Rare Public Statement, God Tells Pat Robertson to Shut the **** Up
‘Enough Already With That Moron,’ Says Almighty

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Rev. Pat Robertson’s controversial
remarks in which he advised that it was acceptable to divorce a spouse
with Alzheimer’s drew a harsh rebuke from God Almighty, who held a press
conference today to tell him to "shut the **** up."

The bearded King of the Universe, dressed in His trademark flowing white
robe and carrying a lightning bolt, spoke to reporters at New York’s
Hyatt Grand Central for forty-five minutes in a press conference
specifically called to denounce the televangelist.

“I’ve held my tongue while he’s jabbered on and on about me punishing
this group and that group with floods and earthquakes and such, but this
was the last straw,” He said. “Enough already with that moron.”

In addition to debunking Rev. Robertson’s Alzheimer’s statement, the
Almighty categorically denied using natural disasters in the past to
punish gays, Haitians, and other targets of Rev. Robertson’s scorn.

“Oh, please,” He said. “That’s just weather.”

On another topic, God attempted to put distance between Himself and the
presidential candidacy of Gov. Rick Perry of Texas: “Rick Perry is
qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified
to be Italy.”

From Andy Borowitz


You are relatively speechless without Andy Borrowits to draw from