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PONDERISMS
1- I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. 2- There are two kinds of pedestrians . . . The quick and the dead. 3- Life is sexually transmitted. 4- Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 5- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 6- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. 7- Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? 8- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. 9- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. 10- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. 11- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? 12- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'? Hmmmmm, How about eggs ? . . . 13- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? 14- Why does your OB-GYN or gastroenterologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? 15- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? 16- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? 17- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? 18- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? |
#2
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