I feel badly for my wife and her sister. Both have been the primary
care givers for their elderly parents for many years. Their father
passed away a little over a year ago and the demands of taking care
of their mother have been ever increasing since.

The mother is *very* old school Italian and doesn't trust doctors,
hospitals or social workers. She is 90 years old now and has adamantly
refused any suggestion of moving into assisted living or a nursing home.
She wants to remain in her house but my wife gets calls from her
constantly day and night complaining about something or demanding that
my wife go to the store for her or help take car of her dog.

They have arranged for professional social workers and nursing help to
visit daily (their mother is also diabetic) but the mother keeps
kicking them out, accusing them of stealing things or simply complaining
about them.

Two weeks ago something happened and the mother called 911, was
transported to the hospital but then refused any medical services.
One of her legs had swelled up and was bleeding. My wife requested
a psychiatric evaluation and the psychiatrist declared that the mother
was fine and was capable of making decisions. So, she was released.
The medical docs can't keep people against their will.

Then, two days ago it happened again. This time my wife called 911
and the mother was whisked off to the hospital again. Same thing after
she arrived ... refused treatment. Again, she was evaluated by a
psychiatrist who determined her to be "fine" mentally.

Then the medical docs called and reported that the mother was
experiencing hallucinations. They also, despite the shrink's evaluation
declared the mother as being "incompetent" regarding making decisions
which now puts the onus on my wife and her sister to determine what's in
her best interests.

At my wife's and her sister's insistence, they convinced the mother
to stay in the hospital and allow a few tests to be conducted.
The docs quietly sedated her to make her more cooperative. A CAT scan
followed by a full body MRI revealed she has a brain tumor the size of a
golf ball in her head and a life-threatening clot in the swollen leg.
The docs have given her 3 months, max.

So, one of the two issues is going to do her in, the clot or the brain
tumor. A procedure to minimize the clot threat is available but it
involves risk and all it will do is buy a little time for someone who
doesn't have much time left and who's quality of life is dismal.

Tough decision for the kids. It's not my place to advise, but I know
what I'd do.

On Tuesday, 17 March 2015 12:25:59 UTC-3, Mr. Luddite wrote:
I feel badly for my wife and her sister. Both have been the primary
care givers for their elderly parents for many years. Their father
passed away a little over a year ago and the demands of taking care
of their mother have been ever increasing since.

The mother is *very* old school Italian and doesn't trust doctors,
hospitals or social workers. She is 90 years old now and has adamantly
refused any suggestion of moving into assisted living or a nursing home.
She wants to remain in her house but my wife gets calls from her
constantly day and night complaining about something or demanding that
my wife go to the store for her or help take car of her dog.

They have arranged for professional social workers and nursing help to
visit daily (their mother is also diabetic) but the mother keeps
kicking them out, accusing them of stealing things or simply complaining
about them.

Two weeks ago something happened and the mother called 911, was
transported to the hospital but then refused any medical services.
One of her legs had swelled up and was bleeding. My wife requested
a psychiatric evaluation and the psychiatrist declared that the mother
was fine and was capable of making decisions. So, she was released.
The medical docs can't keep people against their will.

Then, two days ago it happened again. This time my wife called 911
and the mother was whisked off to the hospital again. Same thing after
she arrived ... refused treatment. Again, she was evaluated by a
psychiatrist who determined her to be "fine" mentally.

Then the medical docs called and reported that the mother was
experiencing hallucinations. They also, despite the shrink's evaluation
declared the mother as being "incompetent" regarding making decisions
which now puts the onus on my wife and her sister to determine what's in
her best interests.

At my wife's and her sister's insistence, they convinced the mother
to stay in the hospital and allow a few tests to be conducted.
The docs quietly sedated her to make her more cooperative. A CAT scan
followed by a full body MRI revealed she has a brain tumor the size of a
golf ball in her head and a life-threatening clot in the swollen leg.
The docs have given her 3 months, max.

So, one of the two issues is going to do her in, the clot or the brain
tumor. A procedure to minimize the clot threat is available but it
involves risk and all it will do is buy a little time for someone who
doesn't have much time left and who's quality of life is dismal.

Tough decision for the kids. It's not my place to advise, but I know
what I'd do.

Yup...tough times for your wife.
Mom stayed here with me for about five years from the time Dad died until she couldn't get to the bathroom any longer and we got her into a nursing home after convincing her to go. When at age 97 she decided that her time had come and she refused to eat anymore, we had to watch her slowly starve to death over a month and a half.
The nursing home wouldn't force feed her so I started bringing in baby food, jello etc and would spend my visits trying to convince her to eat. If I bugged her enough, she's eat a teaspoon or two. At the end, she was mostly sleeping. The whole family was there in the room when she passed..very peacefully.

On Tuesday, March 17, 2015 at 11:25:59 AM UTC-4, Mr. Luddite wrote:
I feel badly for my wife and her sister. Both have been the primary
care givers for their elderly parents for many years. Their father
passed away a little over a year ago and the demands of taking care
of their mother have been ever increasing since.

The mother is *very* old school Italian and doesn't trust doctors,
hospitals or social workers. She is 90 years old now and has adamantly
refused any suggestion of moving into assisted living or a nursing home.
She wants to remain in her house but my wife gets calls from her
constantly day and night complaining about something or demanding that
my wife go to the store for her or help take car of her dog.

They have arranged for professional social workers and nursing help to
visit daily (their mother is also diabetic) but the mother keeps
kicking them out, accusing them of stealing things or simply complaining
about them.

Two weeks ago something happened and the mother called 911, was
transported to the hospital but then refused any medical services.
One of her legs had swelled up and was bleeding. My wife requested
a psychiatric evaluation and the psychiatrist declared that the mother
was fine and was capable of making decisions. So, she was released.
The medical docs can't keep people against their will.

Then, two days ago it happened again. This time my wife called 911
and the mother was whisked off to the hospital again. Same thing after
she arrived ... refused treatment. Again, she was evaluated by a
psychiatrist who determined her to be "fine" mentally.

Then the medical docs called and reported that the mother was
experiencing hallucinations. They also, despite the shrink's evaluation
declared the mother as being "incompetent" regarding making decisions
which now puts the onus on my wife and her sister to determine what's in
her best interests.

At my wife's and her sister's insistence, they convinced the mother
to stay in the hospital and allow a few tests to be conducted.
The docs quietly sedated her to make her more cooperative. A CAT scan
followed by a full body MRI revealed she has a brain tumor the size of a
golf ball in her head and a life-threatening clot in the swollen leg.
The docs have given her 3 months, max.

So, one of the two issues is going to do her in, the clot or the brain
tumor. A procedure to minimize the clot threat is available but it
involves risk and all it will do is buy a little time for someone who
doesn't have much time left and who's quality of life is dismal.

Tough decision for the kids. It's not my place to advise, but I know
what I'd do.

It sounds like she qualifies for hospice care, if not now, soon.

On 3/17/2015 11:43 AM, wrote:
On Tuesday, March 17, 2015 at 11:25:59 AM UTC-4, Mr. Luddite wrote:
I feel badly for my wife and her sister. Both have been the primary
care givers for their elderly parents for many years. Their father
passed away a little over a year ago and the demands of taking care
of their mother have been ever increasing since.

The mother is *very* old school Italian and doesn't trust doctors,
hospitals or social workers. She is 90 years old now and has adamantly
refused any suggestion of moving into assisted living or a nursing home.
She wants to remain in her house but my wife gets calls from her
constantly day and night complaining about something or demanding that
my wife go to the store for her or help take car of her dog.

They have arranged for professional social workers and nursing help to
visit daily (their mother is also diabetic) but the mother keeps
kicking them out, accusing them of stealing things or simply complaining
about them.

Two weeks ago something happened and the mother called 911, was
transported to the hospital but then refused any medical services.
One of her legs had swelled up and was bleeding. My wife requested
a psychiatric evaluation and the psychiatrist declared that the mother
was fine and was capable of making decisions. So, she was released.
The medical docs can't keep people against their will.

Then, two days ago it happened again. This time my wife called 911
and the mother was whisked off to the hospital again. Same thing after
she arrived ... refused treatment. Again, she was evaluated by a
psychiatrist who determined her to be "fine" mentally.

Then the medical docs called and reported that the mother was
experiencing hallucinations. They also, despite the shrink's evaluation
declared the mother as being "incompetent" regarding making decisions
which now puts the onus on my wife and her sister to determine what's in
her best interests.

At my wife's and her sister's insistence, they convinced the mother
to stay in the hospital and allow a few tests to be conducted.
The docs quietly sedated her to make her more cooperative. A CAT scan
followed by a full body MRI revealed she has a brain tumor the size of a
golf ball in her head and a life-threatening clot in the swollen leg.
The docs have given her 3 months, max.

So, one of the two issues is going to do her in, the clot or the brain
tumor. A procedure to minimize the clot threat is available but it
involves risk and all it will do is buy a little time for someone who
doesn't have much time left and who's quality of life is dismal.

Tough decision for the kids. It's not my place to advise, but I know
what I'd do.

It sounds like she qualifies for hospice care, if not now, soon.


My wife had a hospice representative along with a social worker shrink
visit the mother less than a month ago for an evaluation. They both
said that hospice care is only authorized if the person is terminal
within 6 months, so she didn't qualify at that time.

The MRI results and doctor's declarations will change that.

I have the utmost respect for the Hospice organizations ... or at least
the ones that I have had some experience with. When my dad was passing
due to stomach cancer back in 1999 they were of unmeasurable help to him
and the family in terms of explaining the process of dying and how to
deal with it. Then again, last December when my mother was at the end
of life process, the hospice people were fantastic in their assistance
and help to make her final days comfortable.

On Tue, 17 Mar 2015 08:43:19 -0700 (PDT), wrote:

On Tuesday, March 17, 2015 at 11:25:59 AM UTC-4, Mr. Luddite wrote:
I feel badly for my wife and her sister. Both have been the primary
care givers for their elderly parents for many years. Their father
passed away a little over a year ago and the demands of taking care
of their mother have been ever increasing since.

The mother is *very* old school Italian and doesn't trust doctors,
hospitals or social workers. She is 90 years old now and has adamantly
refused any suggestion of moving into assisted living or a nursing home.
She wants to remain in her house but my wife gets calls from her
constantly day and night complaining about something or demanding that
my wife go to the store for her or help take car of her dog.

They have arranged for professional social workers and nursing help to
visit daily (their mother is also diabetic) but the mother keeps
kicking them out, accusing them of stealing things or simply complaining
about them.

Two weeks ago something happened and the mother called 911, was
transported to the hospital but then refused any medical services.
One of her legs had swelled up and was bleeding. My wife requested
a psychiatric evaluation and the psychiatrist declared that the mother
was fine and was capable of making decisions. So, she was released.
The medical docs can't keep people against their will.

Then, two days ago it happened again. This time my wife called 911
and the mother was whisked off to the hospital again. Same thing after
she arrived ... refused treatment. Again, she was evaluated by a
psychiatrist who determined her to be "fine" mentally.

Then the medical docs called and reported that the mother was
experiencing hallucinations. They also, despite the shrink's evaluation
declared the mother as being "incompetent" regarding making decisions
which now puts the onus on my wife and her sister to determine what's in
her best interests.

At my wife's and her sister's insistence, they convinced the mother
to stay in the hospital and allow a few tests to be conducted.
The docs quietly sedated her to make her more cooperative. A CAT scan
followed by a full body MRI revealed she has a brain tumor the size of a
golf ball in her head and a life-threatening clot in the swollen leg.
The docs have given her 3 months, max.

So, one of the two issues is going to do her in, the clot or the brain
tumor. A procedure to minimize the clot threat is available but it
involves risk and all it will do is buy a little time for someone who
doesn't have much time left and who's quality of life is dismal.

Tough decision for the kids. It's not my place to advise, but I know
what I'd do.

It sounds like she qualifies for hospice care, if not now, soon.

Once the doctors determined there was no more treatment available for the leukemia my
mother had, we (including her) decided on hospice care. What a welcome that was, to
her and us. No more bells, whistles, beeps, rushing nurses, etc. The place was calm
and soothing.

Best decision we ever made.
--

Guns don't cause problems. Gun owner
*behavior* causes problems.

On 3/17/15 11:25 AM, Mr. Luddite wrote:

I feel badly for my wife and her sister. Both have been the primary
care givers for their elderly parents for many years. Their father
passed away a little over a year ago and the demands of taking care
of their mother have been ever increasing since.

The mother is *very* old school Italian and doesn't trust doctors,
hospitals or social workers. She is 90 years old now and has adamantly
refused any suggestion of moving into assisted living or a nursing home.
She wants to remain in her house but my wife gets calls from her
constantly day and night complaining about something or demanding that
my wife go to the store for her or help take car of her dog.

They have arranged for professional social workers and nursing help to
visit daily (their mother is also diabetic) but the mother keeps
kicking them out, accusing them of stealing things or simply complaining
about them.

Two weeks ago something happened and the mother called 911, was
transported to the hospital but then refused any medical services.
One of her legs had swelled up and was bleeding. My wife requested
a psychiatric evaluation and the psychiatrist declared that the mother
was fine and was capable of making decisions. So, she was released.
The medical docs can't keep people against their will.

Then, two days ago it happened again. This time my wife called 911
and the mother was whisked off to the hospital again. Same thing after
she arrived ... refused treatment. Again, she was evaluated by a
psychiatrist who determined her to be "fine" mentally.

Then the medical docs called and reported that the mother was
experiencing hallucinations. They also, despite the shrink's evaluation
declared the mother as being "incompetent" regarding making decisions
which now puts the onus on my wife and her sister to determine what's in
her best interests.

At my wife's and her sister's insistence, they convinced the mother
to stay in the hospital and allow a few tests to be conducted.
The docs quietly sedated her to make her more cooperative. A CAT scan
followed by a full body MRI revealed she has a brain tumor the size of a
golf ball in her head and a life-threatening clot in the swollen leg.
The docs have given her 3 months, max.

So, one of the two issues is going to do her in, the clot or the brain
tumor. A procedure to minimize the clot threat is available but it
involves risk and all it will do is buy a little time for someone who
doesn't have much time left and who's quality of life is dismal.

Tough decision for the kids. It's not my place to advise, but I know
what I'd do.






Gosh, I'm sorry to hear of your family troubles. Best wishes.

--
Proud to be a Liberal.

On Tue, 17 Mar 2015 12:24:33 -0400, wrote:

On Tue, 17 Mar 2015 11:51:42 -0400, "Mr. Luddite"
wrote:



I think I would just run off, buy a sailboat and sail away.

Brought this to mind:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcZTkgH-jtI

Great song.
--

Guns don't cause problems. Gun owner
*behavior* causes problems.

On Tue, 17 Mar 2015 11:25:56 -0400, "Mr. Luddite"
wrote:


I feel badly for my wife and her sister. Both have been the primary
care givers for their elderly parents for many years. Their father
passed away a little over a year ago and the demands of taking care
of their mother have been ever increasing since.

The mother is *very* old school Italian and doesn't trust doctors,
hospitals or social workers. She is 90 years old now and has adamantly
refused any suggestion of moving into assisted living or a nursing home.
She wants to remain in her house but my wife gets calls from her
constantly day and night complaining about something or demanding that
my wife go to the store for her or help take car of her dog.

They have arranged for professional social workers and nursing help to
visit daily (their mother is also diabetic) but the mother keeps
kicking them out, accusing them of stealing things or simply complaining
about them.

Two weeks ago something happened and the mother called 911, was
transported to the hospital but then refused any medical services.
One of her legs had swelled up and was bleeding. My wife requested
a psychiatric evaluation and the psychiatrist declared that the mother
was fine and was capable of making decisions. So, she was released.
The medical docs can't keep people against their will.

Then, two days ago it happened again. This time my wife called 911
and the mother was whisked off to the hospital again. Same thing after
she arrived ... refused treatment. Again, she was evaluated by a
psychiatrist who determined her to be "fine" mentally.

Then the medical docs called and reported that the mother was
experiencing hallucinations. They also, despite the shrink's evaluation
declared the mother as being "incompetent" regarding making decisions
which now puts the onus on my wife and her sister to determine what's in
her best interests.

At my wife's and her sister's insistence, they convinced the mother
to stay in the hospital and allow a few tests to be conducted.
The docs quietly sedated her to make her more cooperative. A CAT scan
followed by a full body MRI revealed she has a brain tumor the size of a
golf ball in her head and a life-threatening clot in the swollen leg.
The docs have given her 3 months, max.

So, one of the two issues is going to do her in, the clot or the brain
tumor. A procedure to minimize the clot threat is available but it
involves risk and all it will do is buy a little time for someone who
doesn't have much time left and who's quality of life is dismal.

Tough decision for the kids. It's not my place to advise, but I know
what I'd do.





===

My father-in-law ended up in hospice care after the doctors could do
no more for him.

They provide a valuable service for both the patient and the family,
highly recommended.

On 3/17/2015 2:39 PM, Wayne.B wrote:
On Tue, 17 Mar 2015 11:25:56 -0400, "Mr. Luddite"
wrote:

Tough decision for the kids. It's not my place to advise, but I know
what I'd do.





===

My father-in-law ended up in hospice care after the doctors could do
no more for him.

They provide a valuable service for both the patient and the family,
highly recommended.


I agree.

On Tue, 17 Mar 2015 11:25:56 -0400, "Mr. Luddite"
wrote:


I feel badly for my wife and her sister. Both have been the primary
care givers for their elderly parents for many years. Their father
passed away a little over a year ago and the demands of taking care
of their mother have been ever increasing since.

The mother is *very* old school Italian and doesn't trust doctors,
hospitals or social workers. She is 90 years old now and has adamantly
refused any suggestion of moving into assisted living or a nursing home.
She wants to remain in her house but my wife gets calls from her
constantly day and night complaining about something or demanding that
my wife go to the store for her or help take car of her dog.

They have arranged for professional social workers and nursing help to
visit daily (their mother is also diabetic) but the mother keeps
kicking them out, accusing them of stealing things or simply complaining
about them.

Two weeks ago something happened and the mother called 911, was
transported to the hospital but then refused any medical services.
One of her legs had swelled up and was bleeding. My wife requested
a psychiatric evaluation and the psychiatrist declared that the mother
was fine and was capable of making decisions. So, she was released.
The medical docs can't keep people against their will.

Then, two days ago it happened again. This time my wife called 911
and the mother was whisked off to the hospital again. Same thing after
she arrived ... refused treatment. Again, she was evaluated by a
psychiatrist who determined her to be "fine" mentally.

Then the medical docs called and reported that the mother was
experiencing hallucinations. They also, despite the shrink's evaluation
declared the mother as being "incompetent" regarding making decisions
which now puts the onus on my wife and her sister to determine what's in
her best interests.

At my wife's and her sister's insistence, they convinced the mother
to stay in the hospital and allow a few tests to be conducted.
The docs quietly sedated her to make her more cooperative. A CAT scan
followed by a full body MRI revealed she has a brain tumor the size of a
golf ball in her head and a life-threatening clot in the swollen leg.
The docs have given her 3 months, max.

So, one of the two issues is going to do her in, the clot or the brain
tumor. A procedure to minimize the clot threat is available but it
involves risk and all it will do is buy a little time for someone who
doesn't have much time left and who's quality of life is dismal.

Tough decision for the kids. It's not my place to advise, but I know
what I'd do.

Thanks for sharing this. I have a similar situation with an elderly
parent who refuses to move out of her house, doesn't trust anyone.

We're waiting for circumstance to dictate the path forward.

Hope we're all smart enough to figure a more graceful finish.