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![]() People often think satire is easy, but it's really not -- as any long-time reader of Whiskey Bar can tell by the number of attempted gags that have fallen flat and landed with a dull thud on the bottom of my home page. You keep throwing them up and hoping they'll stick, but inside you accept the fact that most of them won't. As an aspiring comedy writer, I know that if I can get a good laugh with one in ten jokes, I'm doing pretty good. Which is why it really frosts my shorts when a fossilized old bureaucrat like Donald Rumsfeld pops up in Baghdad and delivers -- seemingly without effort -- howlers like this one: Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, on a surprise visit to Iraq, warned the country's new interim leaders on Tuesday against political purges and cronyism that could spark "lack of confidence or corruption in government." Cronyism. Lack of confidence or corruption in goverment. From Donald Rumsfeld. Secretary of Defense in the Bush administration. Totally deadpan, too. Not a hint of a smile. And with perfect timing. The sick freakin' ******* makes political humor look like child's play (actually it is child's play, but you know what I mean.) With one deft line, he managed to mock not only himself, but the president and vice president of the United States, the U.S. Congress, the incoming World Bank president, the next U.N. ambassador and the entire corporate media elite. I bet the foreign audiences are still choking on their popcorn over that one -- or will be, once they hear the dubbed version. It was almost as brilliant as Rummy's infamous "signature machine" pratfall from last winter: In his statement published Friday, Rumsfeld said he "wrote and approved the now more than 1,000 letters sent to family members and next of kin of each of the servicemen and women killed in military action. "While I have not individually signed each one, in the interest of ensuring expeditious contact with grieving family members, I have directed that in the future I sign each letter." I mean, it was such a flagrant rip off of Catch-22: Colonel Cathcart . . . smiled amicably."Corporal Whitcomb brought me this basic form letter that takes care of just about every situation. Listen: 'Dear Mrs., Mr., Miss, or Mr. and Mrs.: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded or reported missing in action.' And so on. I think that opening sentence sums up my sentiments exactly." But even though the gag was obvious, you still had to laugh -- maybe because it was so obvious. Of course, that might just be me: Like Rummy, I've always had a weakness for black comedy. I could try to riff off the Donald's latest routine -- milking it for a few more cheap laughs by juxtaposing his one-liner with a few quotes like this one: Halliburton was paid in significant part from Iraqi oil proceeds in the Development Fund for Iraq (DFI), the Administration — acting at Halliburton’s request — concealed these overcharges from the international auditors charged by the United Nations with monitoring the expenditures from the DFI. Or this one: Officials -- who spoke on condition of anonymity -- tell UPI the new post was created specifically for the vice president's daughter, adding that she will work primarily on economic development in the Middle East. Or even this one: The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission has warned former Pentagon adviser Richard Perle that it may sue him for his role in the alleged looting of Hollinger International Inc., the Chicago-based media company once controlled by Conrad Black. But that would just be a feeble attempt on my part to hitch a ride on Rumsfeld's comic coattails. So I won't do it. I don't know where Rummy learned his stuff -- the old Borsht Belt, the L.A. club scene, the Letterman show (probably not that last one, he's a little too nasty for Dave's style of humor, I think.) But I reluctantly must tip my hat to him. He may be a demented old war criminal, but he's a funny demented old war criminal. And in my book, that still counts for something. I hear The Producers is casting a new Hitler. I know Rummy's a little old for the part, but . . . Naaah. Stand-up is clearly Rumsfeld's forte. He'd be wasted in a big show like that. Besides, I'm pretty sure he's not Equity. Even the actors' union has some moral standards, you know. |
#2
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On Wed, 13 Apr 2005 21:43:40 GMT, "Jim," copied and pasted
some more anti-administration bull**** he found somewhere in the internet, which makes it true: Jimcomma, have you noticed a distinct lack of interest in the **** you cut'n'paste lately? |
#3
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JohnH,
If rec.boats users want to minimize the number of OT posts, everyone will need to ignore the political trolls. "John H" wrote in message ... On Wed, 13 Apr 2005 21:43:40 GMT, "Jim," copied and pasted some more anti-administration bull**** he found somewhere in the internet, which makes it true: Jimcomma, have you noticed a distinct lack of interest in the **** you cut'n'paste lately? |
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