FLIP-FLOPPING MAY HAVE INJURED KERRY’S SHOULDER

Doctor Advises Senator Not to Change Positions for Two Weeks

With Senator John F. Kerry (D-Mass) set for shoulder surgery in Boston today,
an orthopedic surgeon familiar with the Senator’s condition said that Mr.
Kerry’s penchant for flip-flopping may have caused the injury to his shoulder.

“Constant or repetitive flip-flopping can cause major orthopedic damage,” said
Dr. Robert Claman of Massachusetts General Hospital. “If it goes unchecked,
flip-flopping can injure a shoulder far more seriously than tennis or golf.”

Dr. Claman said that Mr. Kerry first felt a nagging pain in the tendon of his
shoulder at the outset of his quest for the Democratic nomination, when he
started flip-flopping on his vote to authorize military action in Iraq.

“At first he started favoring his right shoulder, but as [Former Vermont
Governor] Howard Dean started gaining in the polls, he started favoring the
left,” Dr. Claman said.

The orthopedic specialist added that once the surgery is completed, he would
strongly urge Mr. Kerry not to change his positions for the next two weeks to
give the damaged tendon time to heal.

“I told him that if he goes out there and starts flip-flopping on gay marriage
or taxes, he’s going to wind up right back on the operating table,” Dr. Claman
said. “He agreed with me at first, then disagreed, but then agreed with me
again.”

In other news, the French lawyer who is defending Saddam Hussein said today
that he was actively seeking the lone Tyco holdout juror to sit on the Iraqi
madman's jury.
--
BorowitzReport Archives

Henry Blackmoore wrote in message
k.net...



I thought it was already operated on.... you're not a month late again I
hope?

Yes, I cut and pasted this from www.AmericanProgress.org.
Doesn't make it any less true.

President Bush: Flip-Flopper-In-Chief

March 31, 2004


From the beginning, George W. Bush has made his own credibility a central
issue. On 10/11/00, then Governor Bush said: "I think credibility is
important. It is going to be important for the president to be credible with
Congress, important for the president to be credible with foreign nations."
But President Bush's serial flip-flopping raises serious questions about
whether Congress and foreign leaders can rely on what he says.

1. Department of Homeland Security

BUSH OPPOSES THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY..."So, creating a Cabinet
office doesn't solve the problem. You still will have agencies within the
federal government that have to be coordinated. So the answer is that
creating a Cabinet post doesn't solve anything." [White House spokesman Ari
Fleischer, 3/19/02]

....BUSH SUPPORTS THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY "So tonight, I ask the
Congress to join me in creating a single, permanent department with an
overriding and urgent mission: securing the homeland of America and
protecting the American people." [President Bush, Address to the Nation,
6/6/02]

2. Weapons of Mass Destruction

BUSH SAYS WE FOUND THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION..."We found the weapons
of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories.for those who say we
haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're
wrong, we found them." [President Bush, Interview in Poland, 5/29/03]

....BUSH SAYS WE HAVEN'T FOUND WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION "David Kay has
found the capacity to produce weapons. And when David Kay goes in and says
we haven't found stockpiles yet, and there's theories as to where the
weapons went. They could have been destroyed during the war. Saddam and his
henchmen could have destroyed them as we entered into Iraq. They could be
hidden. They could have been transported to another country, and we'll find
out." [President Bush, Meet the Press, 2/7/04]

3. Free Trade

BUSH SUPPORTS FREE TRADE... "I believe strongly that if we promote trade,
and when we promote trade, it will help workers on both sides of this
issue." [President Bush in Peru, 3/23/02]

....BUSH SUPPORTS RESTRICTIONS ON TRADE "In a decision largely driven by his
political advisers, President Bush set aside his free-trade principles last
year and imposed heavy tariffs on imported steel to help out struggling
mills in Pennsylvania and West Virginia, two states crucial for his
reelection." [Washington Post, 9/19/03]

4. Osama Bin Laden

BUSH WANTS OSAMA DEAD OR ALIVE... "I want justice. And there's an old poster
out West, I recall, that says, 'Wanted: Dead or Alive.'" [President Bush, on
Osama Bin Laden, 09/17/01]

....BUSH DOESN'T CARE ABOUT OSAMA "I don't know where he is. I have no idea
and I really don't care. It's not that important." [President Bush, Press
Conference, 3/13/02]

5. The Environment

BUSH SUPPORTS MANDATORY CAPS ON CARBON DIOXIDE... "[If elected], Governor
Bush will work to.establish mandatory reduction targets for emissions of
four main pollutants: sulfur dioxide, nitrogen oxide, mercury and carbon
dioxide." [Bush Environmental Plan, 9/29/00]

....BUSH OPPOSES MANDATORY CAPS ON CARBON DIOXIDE "I do not believe, however,
that the government should impose on power plants mandatory emissions
reductions for carbon dioxide, which is not a 'pollutant' under the Clean
Air Act." [President Bush, Letter to Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-NE), 3/13/03]

6. WMD Commission

BUSH RESISTS AN OUTSIDE INVESTIGATION ON WMD INTELLIGENCE FAILURE... "The
White House immediately turned aside the calls from Kay and many Democrats
for an immediate outside investigation, seeking to head off any new
wide-ranging election-year inquiry that might go beyond reports already
being assembled by congressional committees and the Central Intelligence
Agency." [NY Times, 1/29/04]

....BUSH SUPPORTS AN OUTSIDE INVESTIGATION ON WMD INTELLIGENCE FAILURE
"Today, by executive order, I am creating an independent commission, chaired
by Governor and former Senator Chuck Robb, Judge Laurence Silberman, to look
at American intelligence capabilities, especially our intelligence about
weapons of mass destruction." [President Bush, 2/6/04]

7. Creation of the 9/11 Commission

BUSH OPPOSES CREATION OF INDEPENDENT 9/11 COMMISSION... "President Bush took
a few minutes during his trip to Europe Thursday to voice his opposition to
establishing a special commission to probe how the government dealt with
terror warnings before Sept. 11." [CBS News, 5/23/02]

....BUSH SUPPORTS CREATION OF INDEPENDENT 9/11 COMMISSION "President Bush
said today he now supports establishing an independent commission to
investigate the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks." [ABC News, 09/20/02]

8. Time Extension for 9/11 Commission

BUSH OPPOSES TIME EXTENSION FOR 9/11 COMMISSION... "President Bush and House
Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) have decided to oppose granting more time
to an independent commission investigating the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks."
[Washington Post, 1/19/04]

....BUSH SUPPORTS TIME EXTENSION FOR 9/11 COMMISSION "The White House
announced Wednesday its support for a request from the commission
investigating the September 11, 2001 attacks for more time to complete its
work." [CNN, 2/4/04]

9. One Hour Limit for 9/11 Commission Testimony

BUSH LIMITS TESTIMONY IN FRONT OF 9/11 COMMISSION TO ONE HOUR... "President
Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have placed strict limits on the private
interviews they will grant to the federal commission investigating the Sept.
11 attacks, saying that they will meet only with the panel's top two
officials and that Mr. Bush will submit to only a single hour of
questioning, commission members said Wednesday." [NY Times, 2/26/04]

....BUSH SETS NO TIMELIMIT FOR TESTIMONY "The president's going to answer all
of the questions they want to raise. Nobody's watching the clock." [White
House spokesman Scott McClellan, 3/10/04]

10. Gay Marriage

BUSH SAYS GAY MARRIAGE IS A STATE ISSUE... "The state can do what they want
to do. Don't try to trap me in this state's issue like you're trying to get
me into." [Gov. George W. Bush on Gay Marriage, Larry King Live, 2/15/00]

....BUSH SUPPORTS CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT BANNING GAY MARRIAGE "Today I call
upon the Congress to promptly pass, and to send to the states for
ratification, an amendment to our Constitution defining and protecting
marriage as a union of man and woman as husband and wife." [President Bush,
2/24/04]

11. Nation Building

BUSH OPPOSES NATION BUILDING... "If we don't stop extending our troops all
around the world in nation-building missions, then we're going to have a
serious problem coming down the road." [Gov. George W. Bush, 10/3/00]

....BUSH SUPPORTS NATION BUILDING "We will be changing the regime of Iraq,
for the good of the Iraqi people." [President Bush, 3/6/03]

12. Saddam/al Qaeda Link

BUSH SAYS IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEEN AL QAEDA AND SADDAM...
"You can't distinguish between al Qaeda and Saddam when you talk about the
war on terror." [President Bush, 9/25/02]

....BUSH SAYS SADDAM HAD NO ROLE IN AL QAEDA PLOT "We've had no evidence that
Saddam Hussein was involved in Sept. 11." [President Bush, 9/17/03]

13. U.N. Resolution

BUSH VOWS TO HAVE A UN VOTE NO MATTER WHAT... "No matter what the whip count
is, we're calling for the vote. We want to see people stand up and say what
their opinion is about Saddam Hussein and the utility of the United Nations
Security Council. And so, you bet. It's time for people to show their cards,
to let the world know where they stand when it comes to Saddam." [President
Bush 3/6/03]

....BUSH WITHDRAWS REQUEST FOR VOTE "At a National Security Council meeting
convened at the White House at 8:55 a.m., Bush finalized the decision to
withdraw the resolution from consideration and prepared to deliver an
address to the nation that had already been written." [Washington Post,
3/18/03]

14. Involvement in the Palestinian Conflict

BUSH OPPOSES SUMMITS... "Well, we've tried summits in the past, as you may
remember. It wasn't all that long ago where a summit was called and nothing
happened, and as a result we had significant intifada in the area."
[President Bush, 04/05/02]

....BUSH SUPPORTS SUMMITS "If a meeting advances progress toward two states
living side by side in peace, I will strongly consider such a meeting. I'm
committed to working toward peace in the Middle East." [President Bush,
5/23/03]

15. Campaign Finance

BUSH OPPOSES MCCAIN-FEINGOLD... "George W. Bush opposes McCain-Feingold...as
an infringement on free expression." [Washington Post, 3/28/2000]

....BUSH SIGNS MCCAIN-FEINGOLD INTO LAW "[T]his bill improves the current
system of financing for Federal campaigns, and therefore I have signed it
into law." [President Bush, at the McCain-Feingold singing ceremony,
03/27/02]

In article , "Don White" wrote:

Henry Blackmoore wrote in message
nk.net...



I thought it was already operated on.... you're not a month late again I
hope?


probably, but it was too funny to resist posting...