I played golf this morning, so the joke below is fitting..

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks
over at him and asks the question....



WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"



HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"



WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"



HUSBAND: "Of course I do."



WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"



HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."



WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)



HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)



WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"



HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."



WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"



HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"



WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"



HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."



WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"



HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."



WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"



HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."



WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"



HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."


--
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***** Have a Spectacular Day! *****
******************************************

John

Another one...

A PERFECT DIET!

I have 2 Afghan Hounds. I was buying a large bag of Purina at PetsMart
and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

On impulse, I told her that no, and that I was starting The Purina
Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in
an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by
now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me.

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a
car hit me.

I thought the guy was going to have to have help as he laughingly
staggered to the door.

Jack Goff wrote:
snip
I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a
car hit me.

snip

You're a class act!