What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate
is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You
can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water
park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never
have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just
too
icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux
rental $200. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't
cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about
tanks. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all
your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be
your friend.

Your underwear is $5 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more
than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable
to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original
color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to
shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big
hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails
with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a
moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.

;-)