There was a magician on a cruise ship that used a parrot as a prop.
Eventually, the parrot got so used to the act that he would give away
the trick.

"Awck - It's up his sleeve" - "Awck - the rabbit is in the hat" - "Awck
- the cards are all the same".

As time went on the parrot kept giving away the magician's secrets. One
day, the magician snapped, pulled out a gun and shot at the parrot. He
missed, the bullet went through a wall, into a huge propane tank and the
ship blew up in a million pieces.

There were only two survivors - the magician and the parrot floating in
the middle of the ocean. The parrot looks around, then says to the
magician...

"Ok - I give up - where's the ship?"

------------------------

It was 1780 and a British man-of-war was sailing along the coast of
France. The crow's nest looked hollers out "One man-of-war on the horizon".

The Captain calls the ship to Quarters and tells his steward to go below
and bring his red shirt. The steward does as he's asked, the Captain
changes to the red shirt and the battle begins.

The British ship wins the battle, the men fought bravely and all was
well. The Captain's steward is curious if the red shirt was for luck,
so he asked the captain why the red shirt.

The Captain replied that the red shirt was for morale - in case the
Captain was wounded, the men would not see the red blood and thus keep
their courage during the fight.

A couple of days later, the lookout hollers "Twenty men-of-war on the
horizon". The Captain's steward asked the Captain if he wanted his red
shirt.

The Captain replied "No - bring me my brown pants".

On Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:22:48 GMT, Short Wave Sportfishing
wrote:

Got my first issue of 'Center Console Angler' recently. Nice magazine.
Seems to have more down to earth info in it than many of the other boating
magazines I've seen. Has a good discussion of through-hull transducers.

Oh, and I enjoyed the jokes. Here's one to brighten your Saturday morning.

A Marine Gunnery Sergeant and a general were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The
general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've
been in a whorehouse!" The Gunny turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead
and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse
smells like."

JLH wrote:
On Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:22:48 GMT, Short Wave Sportfishing
wrote:

Got my first issue of 'Center Console Angler' recently. Nice magazine.
Seems to have more down to earth info in it than many of the other boating
magazines I've seen. Has a good discussion of through-hull transducers.

Oh, and I enjoyed the jokes. Here's one to brighten your Saturday morning.

A Marine Gunnery Sergeant and a general were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The
general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've
been in a whorehouse!" The Gunny turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead
and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse
smells like."



An Ensign was sitting his first qualification board for Officer of the
Deck at sea. After several hours of watching the young officer answer
difficult questions from the members of the board, the ship's Captain
decided to finish off the board by placing the Ensign in a completely
hypothetical emergency situation. "What would you do if a sudden
storm sprang up on the starboard side?" he asked.

"Throw out an anchor, Sir," the Ensign replied.

"And what would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, Captain."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do
then?" asked the Captain.

"Throw out another anchor, Sir," the Ensign said.

"Hold on," said the Captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors
from?"

The Ensign smiled. "From the same place you're getting all those
storms, Sir."

On 24 Feb 2007 06:55:36 -0800, "Tim" wrote:


JLH wrote:
On Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:22:48 GMT, Short Wave Sportfishing
wrote:

Got my first issue of 'Center Console Angler' recently. Nice magazine.
Seems to have more down to earth info in it than many of the other boating
magazines I've seen. Has a good discussion of through-hull transducers.

Oh, and I enjoyed the jokes. Here's one to brighten your Saturday morning.

A Marine Gunnery Sergeant and a general were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The
general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've
been in a whorehouse!" The Gunny turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead
and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse
smells like."



An Ensign was sitting his first qualification board for Officer of the
Deck at sea. After several hours of watching the young officer answer
difficult questions from the members of the board, the ship's Captain
decided to finish off the board by placing the Ensign in a completely
hypothetical emergency situation. "What would you do if a sudden
storm sprang up on the starboard side?" he asked.

"Throw out an anchor, Sir," the Ensign replied.

"And what would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, Captain."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do
then?" asked the Captain.

"Throw out another anchor, Sir," the Ensign said.

"Hold on," said the Captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors
from?"

The Ensign smiled. "From the same place you're getting all those
storms, Sir."

Hee, hee. :)

On Feb 24, 8:32 am, JLH wrote:
On Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:22:48 GMT, Short Wave Sportfishing

wrote:

Got my first issue of 'Center Console Angler' recently. Nice magazine.
Seems to have more down to earth info in it than many of the other boating
magazines I've seen. Has a good discussion of through-hull transducers.

Oh, and I enjoyed the jokes. Here's one to brighten your Saturday morning.

A Marine Gunnery Sergeant and a general were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The
general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've
been in a whorehouse!" The Gunny turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead
and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse
smells like."

The National Science Foundation announced the following study results
on U.S. military recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for Marines: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for Sailors: football.
3. Sport of choice for Army: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for Coast Guardsmen: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for Airmen: golf.
Notice how the farther down the list you go, the smaller their balls
get.

On 24 Feb 2007 11:50:34 -0800, "Tim" wrote:

On Feb 24, 8:32 am, JLH wrote:
On Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:22:48 GMT, Short Wave Sportfishing

wrote:

Got my first issue of 'Center Console Angler' recently. Nice magazine.
Seems to have more down to earth info in it than many of the other boating
magazines I've seen. Has a good discussion of through-hull transducers.

Oh, and I enjoyed the jokes. Here's one to brighten your Saturday morning.

A Marine Gunnery Sergeant and a general were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The
general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've
been in a whorehouse!" The Gunny turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead
and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse
smells like."

The National Science Foundation announced the following study results
on U.S. military recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for Marines: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for Sailors: football.
3. Sport of choice for Army: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for Coast Guardsmen: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for Airmen: golf.
Notice how the farther down the list you go, the smaller their balls
get.


Cute.

On Feb 24, 3:55 pm, JLH wrote:
On 24 Feb 2007 11:50:34 -0800, "Tim" wrote:





On Feb 24, 8:32 am, JLH wrote:
On Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:22:48 GMT, Short Wave Sportfishing

wrote:

Got my first issue of 'Center Console Angler' recently. Nice magazine.
Seems to have more down to earth info in it than many of the other boating
magazines I've seen. Has a good discussion of through-hull transducers.

Oh, and I enjoyed the jokes. Here's one to brighten your Saturday morning.

A Marine Gunnery Sergeant and a general were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The
general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've
been in a whorehouse!" The Gunny turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead
and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse
smells like."

The National Science Foundation announced the following study results
on U.S. military recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for Marines: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for Sailors: football.
3. Sport of choice for Army: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for Coast Guardsmen: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for Airmen: golf.
Notice how the farther down the list you go, the smaller their balls
get.

Cute.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Yeah, I figured I need to throw something in here to boost his esteem.